Thursday 31 December 2015

December 29th evening 2015 , A day I will never forget .

Dec 29th evening 2015 ... the eve of my birthday , a day I had always waited for my loved ones to wish me.. took me to a new dimension of realization.... .
I know i have grown up into a lady and birthday wishes needn't adorn my childish thoughts ,yet I do wait for all the people close to me  to send me wishes  ... to reinforce the thought that I am still there in some corner of their heart... which I think is my strength and the reason that keeps me going .... .
Last 29th evening , As I was getting ready to receive the usual strings of  love and wishes ... I was informed that my grandmother.... who was my inspiration, my teacher of goodness and one of the most closest relations...  was no more ...
My birthday nor new year celebrations no longer mattered to me ...I did receive many messages for both , but it never brought in a smile as before .... I know humans are mortals... I know all good things come to an end ...I know she was sick ... and what happened was better than more suffering.... I know all this ... yet I could not stand the loss.....I followed her till the last point her body was there in this world and saw huge flames of fire engulp the physique which hugged me whenever I needed one .... I was told , that women do not go the crematory and that it was against our tradition ,I was silent. I had no intention of hurting any beliefs,  but I just wanted to be with her as long as she was here  .....
I wanted to write something for her .... but my sobs shook  my pen .... So I am tagging a poem I wrote for her long back when she was sick .... praying for her soul to rest in peace....



The love I have for her is nowhere near,
The love she had given me
Yet I love her the most.

I bear in mind clear images
Of her being by my side
Nursing me when I was sick.

Day and night she looked after me
Winking away her sleep and rest
With solemn prayers to make me fit.

Now she lies there half asleep
Amidst blurred talks & sparred thoughts
Not knowing what goes on around her.

The hand that had nurtured
The majority of our lives
Now lie soft and weak.

Those words which steered me forward
At times of confusion
Is nothing more than feeble whispers.

 The eyes that could evade
Any danger coming my way
Now lie subtle beneath her closed lids.

Her presence that could erode
Even the worst of my fears
Is now the reason for my tears.

I could do nothing but sit and cry
For the person who did everything
To mould me into the person I am.

If my prayers could do any wonders
It would be to see her back
Smiling and healthy as ever.

If I could trade my health
For hers –I would do it
Without a second thought.

If I could vanquish her pain
With the power of my prayers
I would pray all day long.

If I could do anything
However hard it is
I would – to make her healthy again.

But alas! I cannot
For I am just a human
Who dances to the tune of destiny.

She was never angry
For all my mischief
Nor upset when I got angry.

She had more advises
When I followed none
And told me still more till it was heard.

She took my side
Even when I fought
But later taught me I was wrong.

She was strict
But loved me most
For she was my grandmother.

Now I sit beside her
Taking in her pain and stress
With get well prayers within.

As I watch her helpless
I remember all our golden times
And wish to relive them again.

If I had any say
I would want to be born
As her grandchild for all births from now on.

I want to tread my childhood path again
Holding tightly on to her fingertips
And be the perfect grandchild ever to be.
..................................................................................................................................................................


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